Leggo my Lembas!

Who needs Lembas? Who doesn't?!? And this informative product commercial explains exactly why. 

Lembas [from Wikipedia]
Appearing in The Lord of the Rings and Silmarillion material, lembas is a special bread made by the Elves, also called waybread in the Common Speech. Shaped into thin cakes, it is very nutritious, stays fresh for months when kept unbroken in its original leaf-wrappings, and is used for sustenance on long journeys. It is tastier than cram or Beorn's honey-cakes. It appears brownish on the outside and cream-coloured on the inside. Lembas is a closely guarded secret, and only on rare occasions is it given to non-Elves. Like other products of the Elves, it is offensive to evil creatures; Gollum outright refuses to eat it, even when starved. Melian, the queen of Doriath, originally held this recipe. Later it was passed to Galadriel and other Elves. Galadriel gives a large store of lembas to the Fellowship of the Ring upon its departure from Lothlórien. Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee subsist on it through the majority of their journey from there into Mordor.

As with cram, Tolkien may have modelled lembas on hardtack, and commentators have noted that lembas has Eucharistic overtones in accordance with Roman Catholic teachings. Lembas literally sustains the hobbits' lives, strength and will, while the Eucharist is the spiritual "Bread of Life". Also, Gollum and other evil creatures cannot abide lembas, while Catholics are instructed not to receive the Eucharist if in the state of mortal sin. Further, the Eucharist is sometimes called viaticum, a Latin term meaning 'for the way,' literally the spiritual food for the Christian's arduous journey through earthly life to heaven. The term viaticum was more commonly heard in Tolkien's day than today. In a private letter, Tolkien acknowledged that lembas bore religious significance.

In Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings film trilogy, the term "lembas bread" is occasionally used; because the gift of lembas at Lothlórien is not included in the theatrical release of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (though the scene is included in the "Extended Edition" DVD of that film), the redundant term "lembas bread" was probably chosen in order to immediately identify the substance to filmgoers at the beginning of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. In the extended cut of The Fellowship of the Ring Legolas says one bite of lembas "is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man" (while Tolkien says that one whole cake is sufficient for "a full day's march"). Pippin eats four - a reference to the large appetites of hobbits. Lembas is used as a plot device in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Gollum uses crumbs of the remaining waybread to frame Samwise Gamgee for consuming all the rations, contributing to his separation from Frodo Baggins prior to his encounter with Shelob. This sequence does not appear in the novel. In the DVD commentaries, director Peter Jackson notes that the prop lembas used in the trilogy was a sort of unsweetened shortbread.

After searching troll high and hobbit low, here is the best & easiest recipe I could find in all of Middle Earth.

Minutes to Prepare: 15
Minutes to Cook: 15
Number of Servings: 12

Ingredients 

• 2 1/2 cups of flour 
• 1 tablespoon of baking powder 
• 1/4 teaspoon of salt 
• 8 tablespoons of cold butter (1 stick) 
• 1/3 cup of brown sugar 
• 1 teaspoon of cinnamon 
• 1/2 teaspoon maple syrup/honey 2/3 cup of milk/heavy cream (or more, if necessary) 
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Directions 

1. Preheat oven to 220 degrees Celcius (425 degrees Fahrenheit). 
2. Mix the flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl. 
3. Add the butter and mix with a fork or a pastry cutter until the mixture resembles fine granules. 
4. Add the sugar and cinnamon, and mix them thoroughly into the mixture. 
5. Add the milk/cream and vanilla and stir them in with a fork until a nice, thick dough forms. 
6. Roll the dough out about 1/2 in thickness. 
7. Cut out 3-inch squares and transfer the dough to a cookie sheet. 
8. Criss-cross (DO NOT cut all the way) each square from corner-to-corner with a knife. 
9. Bake for about 12 minutes or more (depending on the thickness of the bread) until it is set and lightly golden. 

[Recipe from SparkPeople.com, submitted by user PESCETARIAN]

how to make a tower of spun gold... sans pixie dust

when Siren School contacted me about featuring my new blog on their FB page i was totally excited...
at first

but now the page admin, Joy, is making demands
"People love your fairy cakes. How about a recipe?"

...........huh?
lady, i am an URBAN fairy
i am the cliche whose idea of making dinner is 'making reservations'
i don't make my own coffee
no, i do better than that
i help the economy by keeping the local coffee bar in business and giving my barista job security

but since cake is a subject so near and dear to my fae heart, i acquiesced.
the confectionerily unschooled should understand that there are many kinds of cake
two of my favorite specialty subgenres are petit fours and croquembouches.
since Siren School is featuring Paris this week, i'm opting for the French version of the wedding cake -- le croquembouche

here are a few pics of the more memorable ones our cook made.. and yes, there is a recipe included somewhere in here too.  evidently one needs a 'stove' and all sorts of other things i've never heard of in order to make it

le Recipe 
[source: the Food Network.. whatever that is]

Ingredients
2 cups water
16 tablespoons (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons granulated sugar
2 cups flour
8 to 10 eggs


Filling, recipe follows
Caramel, recipe follows

Filling:
4 cups whole, 2 percent fat, or 1 percent fat milk
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
12 egg yolks
1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup cornstarch
2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Caramel:
2 1/2 cups sugar
2/3 cup water

Directions

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. In a large saucepan, bring the water, butter, salt, and sugar to a rolling boilover medium-high heat. When it boils, immediately take the pan off the heat. Stirring with a wooden spoon, add all the flour at once and stir hard until all the flour is incorporated, 30 to 60 seconds. Return the pan to the heat and cook, stirring, 30 seconds to evaporate some of the moisture.

Scrape the mixture into a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment (or use a hand mixer). Mix at medium speed. With the mixer running, and working 1 egg at a time, add 6 of the eggs, stopping after each addition to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Mix until the dough is smooth and glossy and the eggs are completely incorporated. The dough should be thick, but should fall slowly and steadily from the beaters when you lift them out of the bowl. If the dough is still clinging to the beaters, add 1 or 2 more eggs, and mix until incorporated.

Using a pastry bag fitted with a large plain tip, pipe the dough in big kisses onto a parchment lined baking sheet. Whisk 2 eggs with 3 teaspoons of water. Brush the surface of the dough with the egg wash to knock down the points (do not use all the egg wash.) Bake 15 minutes, then reduce the heat to 375-degrees and bake until puffed up and light golden brown, about 20 minutes more. Try not to open the oven door too often during the baking. Let cool on the baking sheet. The recipe can be made up to this point and frozen in plastic bags. Filling: In a medium saucepan, heat the milk and vanilla bean to a boil over medium heat. Immediately turn off the heat and set aside to infuse for 10 to 15 minutes. In a bowl, whisk the egg yolks and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the cornstarch and whisk vigorously until no lumps remain. Whisk in 1/4 cup of the hot milk mixture until incorporated. Whisk in the remaining hot milk mixture, reserving the empty saucepan.

Pour the mixture through a strainer back into the saucepan. Cook over medium-high heat, whisking constantly, until thickened and slowly boiling. Remove from the heat and stir in the butter and any flavorings if you want to make a different flavor like chocolate or coffee. Let cool slightly. Cover with plastic wrap, lightly pressing the plastic against the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Chill at least 2 hours or until ready to serve. The custard can be made up to 24 hours in advance. Poke a hole with a plain pastry tip in the bottom of each cream puff and pipe it full of the custard. Caramel: Dissolve the sugar in a saucepan with the water, making an "X" through the sugar with your finger to allow the water to slowly soak into the sugar. Boil to make a light golden caramel then dip the bottom of the pan in an ice bath to stop the cooking. Dip the sides of the puffs in the caramel and stick them together (approximately 20 cream puffs) in a circle, tops facing out. Make a second row on top of the first but a bit smaller to draw the circle in and create a tower of cream puffs. Check it from all sides occasionally to make sure it's straight. When it's finished, drizzle it with caramel all over. You can also stick on decorative elements with the caramel in the crevices, like candied violets, gold balls, gum paste flowers, sugar covered almonds, etc.

and here is my personal fave

doughcake toadstools

"fairies do nothing but sit around on toadstools all day giggling and fluttering their wings and eating cake."
bollox!
i fight rush hour traffic on the BART all week long and spend my weekends doing laundry and sleeping off the night before.
fairies only sit on toadstools when they are in 'time out' as children.... it's like being put in the corner with a dunce cap on.... humiliating.
nonetheless, as i've been asked to write something about toadstools as well as post some fairy cake recipes i will multi-task and get both over with at once.

as you know, i am more into haute cuisine
and don't cook
i eat fresh home-made meals daily, made at the home of Roots, the gourmet fairy bistro.
this sort of homespun stuff is not part of my skill set

so i've browsed the web to find a maternal betty crocker type to help things along.  i found bethany. she is not a fairy, but a paper pony... huh... i didn't know those of the wood pulp persuasion were so domestically inclined...

anywho, here is what she suggests:
assemble the following "large marshmallows, sticks (you can use lollipop sticks or just skewers), red candy melts, white chocolate chips and doughnut holes. Oh, and make sure you have a wax paper lined cookie sheet near by." .... doesn't everyone have a wax-paper-lined cookie sheet nearby? snicker snicker... ok i'll go sit on my toadstool and be quiet now.

"Then, cut the doughnut balls in half. In the microwave, melt the red chocolate candy and dip the half-doughnuts using a fork and scraping the bottom before you place it on wax paper so you don't get a huge build-up of candy on the bottom." huge build-up of candy?  she says that like it's a bad thing... 

"Give it about a minute to barely set and then place white chocolate chips in the top... this is a good job for the kids."... she's entrusting the coveted white chocolate chips to children? why not just let your 6 yr old drive your ferrari... sheesh!
"It doesn't really matter if this step is a little messy, you can clean up the edges later." ... licking the candy off the edges... now she's talkin!

"Then, set up the container in which you will be placing your pops by lining it with at least an inch of foam... I always save foam board when it comes in boxes and packages because you can always find a use for it and who wants to fork out the dough for foam?" 

... huh?  lady, ya lost me. i have no idea what you're talking about... the only foam i know of comes on top of a creme brulee latte

"Place large marshmallows on a stick leaving about a half an inch sticking out of the top. Then stick in the foam. When you have the marshmallow sticks all done and arranged the way you want, add the dipped doughnut holes to the tops.To glue them together, you can add a dollop of melted candy to the bottom of the doughnut before you attach it and then, when you place it on the end of the stick, gently hold the tops (dipped doughnuts) and bottoms (marshmallows) together for a minute or until secure. Add moss or whatever you want to cover the foam board and you're done." ok these do look very nice... and they were made with doughnuts, which fairies jones over even more than cops do..... thanks bethany....  

[For details visit: http://mypaperpony.blogspot.com/2010/06/easy-marshmallow-mushroom-pops-smurfday.html]

but if you're anything like me you'll most likely punk out and head to Midtown Sweets to order these

chocolate kisses to you all, 
e.