..... it wasn't my fault

in case you were wondering where i've been all week... we had a slight accident at work...

just when my CEO and i were getting along, this happens.

Stefan mentioned wanting some new art for our office lobby, so i brought in a painting done by my cousin fiona.... she is obsessed with painting ocean scenes
well since she is not extraordinarily talented, she mixes her paints with a little fairy dust to make her paintings more realistic looking

everything was fine till CEO Stefan's daughter Emily dropped by the office to have lunch with her dad.  she got bored waiting in the lobby and decided the picture needed straightening

my coworkers were not amused about working underwater

and the insurance company is still investigating the 'cause' of the flood

i was stressed out so i decided to take my dog for a walk

... my cat decided to tag along

as did my woolless mammoth Hortence who went out on a limb.. and got stuck there

what a week
office files floating
dogs & cats floating
i decided to go for a float as well

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i feel much better now

ugh

from the urban dictionary --

hangover fairy: A person whose job it is to console a very hungover person. They often supply the hungover with movies, snacks, and hugs. They are a the ultimate find in college.

.........
chinese new year.....
never again

i say that every year but THIS time I mean it!

having a 'hangover fairy' may be nice, but what if you are a fairy and you have a hangover!

i missed work yesterday to, shall we say, detox
fortunately i wasn't the only one in my office who was MIA
including our CEO Stefan

i guess he thought i bounced back better than he did cuz he stopped me by the color lazer printer and said, "Boy you sure look rested!... Oh that's right...... your people have magical remedies for this sort of thing."

normally i would've taken exception to his racial slur, but this was the first time the CEO had ever acknowledged my existence... and also he was right!  my peeps do know a thing or two when it comes to home remedies

here i offer some homespun hangover cures & medicinals from around the world.  these are all real... many have been around so long that their fairy origins have been long forgotten

Puerto Ricans swear by this: rub a slice of lemon in the armpit of the arm you use to hold your libation.... prior to commencing the drinking process

Sicilian fae dine on dried bull’s penis known as “bully sticks”... which can be purchased at your local Sicilian pet store

Polish fairies recommend drinking a shot of pickle juice the next day

Greek fairies observe the ancient morning after tradition of enjoying a breakfast consisting of sheep lungs and two owl eggs

the German katerfrühstück or 'hangover breakfast' includes pickled herring wrapped around bits of onion and gherkin

what do Romanian gypsies and Mexicans have in common?  they both advocate tripe soup as a party cure, best served spicy with rice

i don't doo voodoo... but Haitians insist the best hangover remedy is to stick 13 black pins in the cork of the bottle got you into trouble in the first place

our people in ancient Rome gobbled up deep-fried canaries to cure their overindulgence

did you know Rocky Balboa had fae ancestors?  his hangover cure of choice -- the prairie oyster ie a mixture of a whole raw egg yolk, lemon juice, pepper, with a splash of Worcestershire.  you drink this like you are doing a shot... so, as far as your body knows you're still partying!

Native Americans.... a favorite culture of the fae....  suggest exercising, sweating, licking the sweat.... spitting it out after is optional

Mongolians opt to consume a pair of pickled sheep eyes mixed in tomato juice.... i see a pattern with the pickling here

saloon fairies back in the Wild West cured cowboys with tea brewed with rabbit droppings

middle agers... meaning people during the Middle Ages, not those working through midlife crises, extolled the virtues of bitter almonds and dried eel

from the pros... Britain boasts the highest fae population in the world.  their surefire remedy is to soak a piece of salt cod in fresh water then poach it in milk for 20 minutes. blend in a mixer with crushed garlic and olive oil then serve on toast

along those lines,  the Queen Mum's own hangover recipe: a mixture of cardamon tincture, spirit of ammonium, compound tincture of gentian, cloves and camphor oil

God save the Queen!

and your aching head

e.

the girls with the chinese dragon tattoo

wow.... this is so not the way i wanted to start my week

i work in san francisco and things are CRAZY around here on Chinese New Year.  it took me forever to get into work and when i did.... that's when things really took a turn for the annoying.... and most annoying of all is my boss.

i can't mention names here cuz i do value my job somewhat... but her cultural quizzing of me has got to stop. first thing she says when i walk in the door is not 'hello'... it's "So.... year of the dragon in China, eh?... I suppose you are going to tell me that dragons actually exist" chortle chortle snort snort

and with that she waddled off to the break room to pour another cup of instant coffee with sensa and creamora... into the mug she had made with a photo of her sniveling offspring nearly strangling their family feline in some sort of ‘awwww, isn’t that cute’ bear hug.

i didn’t deign to answer her absurd querie. like most of my friends, as a girl i had a pet dragon. mine was named Buttercup and she was a cutiepie 

i’m afraid this is the only baby pic of Buttercup i have left...

we lost most of our family photos when our house burned to the ground... and NO buttercup did not set the place on fire... my mom’s salon style hairdryer did when she had too many things plugged into one outlet in the bathroom... as for pics of me riding buttercup; well if you’ve ever owned an adult dragon you know that they do NOT like having their picture taken... just ask the paparazzi who have tried... the ones who have survived anyway.

i was pondering these memories while proofreading an autobiography by an ambiguous pop singer who claims to be a one hit wonder but whose only single failed to even register on billboard’s charts, when boss lady speed-shuffles over to me, beaming like she has a great joke to tell, and asks, “I was just wondering, do they have fairies in China too?.... Ohhh-ho-ho-ho... hahahahhaha” snort chortle gag choke.

oh, but isn’t she a card...... OF BLOODY COURSE they have fairies in China! in fact one of my best childhood friends was a Chinese fairy named Sooki... she was so sweet and shy and giggled all the time

this is one of the first fairy renderings ever done in china... millenia ago. it's Sooki's great-great-times-a-bajillion grand-somebody, and if you google 'Chinese Fairy' this is what comes up... pretty cool huh!

Sooki and i both got chinese dragon tattoos together when we got older... yes, it hurt, but not nearly as much as the process of having it removed when my mum found out... it took absolute TONS of fairy dust to wipe it out, as well as consumption of vast amounts of fairy cake to ease the pain. 

here is a little statue my friend Stuart designed of me and Buttercup back in the day.  he said it was one of a kind and mine and mine alone... then i saw him hawking cheap mass-produced copies on the home shopping network... such a sell-out

to this day, Chinese new year remains one of my favorite holidays.  from the dragon riding races to the fireworks, diving for pearls with the Chinese mermaids and feasting on fine little cakes made with rice flour it always makes for a very gong xi fatt chai = 新年快樂 = happy new year

nostaligically,

e.

doughcake toadstools

"fairies do nothing but sit around on toadstools all day giggling and fluttering their wings and eating cake."
bollox!
i fight rush hour traffic on the BART all week long and spend my weekends doing laundry and sleeping off the night before.
fairies only sit on toadstools when they are in 'time out' as children.... it's like being put in the corner with a dunce cap on.... humiliating.
nonetheless, as i've been asked to write something about toadstools as well as post some fairy cake recipes i will multi-task and get both over with at once.

as you know, i am more into haute cuisine
and don't cook
i eat fresh home-made meals daily, made at the home of Roots, the gourmet fairy bistro.
this sort of homespun stuff is not part of my skill set

so i've browsed the web to find a maternal betty crocker type to help things along.  i found bethany. she is not a fairy, but a paper pony... huh... i didn't know those of the wood pulp persuasion were so domestically inclined...

anywho, here is what she suggests:
assemble the following "large marshmallows, sticks (you can use lollipop sticks or just skewers), red candy melts, white chocolate chips and doughnut holes. Oh, and make sure you have a wax paper lined cookie sheet near by." .... doesn't everyone have a wax-paper-lined cookie sheet nearby? snicker snicker... ok i'll go sit on my toadstool and be quiet now.

"Then, cut the doughnut balls in half. In the microwave, melt the red chocolate candy and dip the half-doughnuts using a fork and scraping the bottom before you place it on wax paper so you don't get a huge build-up of candy on the bottom." huge build-up of candy?  she says that like it's a bad thing... 

"Give it about a minute to barely set and then place white chocolate chips in the top... this is a good job for the kids."... she's entrusting the coveted white chocolate chips to children? why not just let your 6 yr old drive your ferrari... sheesh!
"It doesn't really matter if this step is a little messy, you can clean up the edges later." ... licking the candy off the edges... now she's talkin!

"Then, set up the container in which you will be placing your pops by lining it with at least an inch of foam... I always save foam board when it comes in boxes and packages because you can always find a use for it and who wants to fork out the dough for foam?" 

... huh?  lady, ya lost me. i have no idea what you're talking about... the only foam i know of comes on top of a creme brulee latte

"Place large marshmallows on a stick leaving about a half an inch sticking out of the top. Then stick in the foam. When you have the marshmallow sticks all done and arranged the way you want, add the dipped doughnut holes to the tops.To glue them together, you can add a dollop of melted candy to the bottom of the doughnut before you attach it and then, when you place it on the end of the stick, gently hold the tops (dipped doughnuts) and bottoms (marshmallows) together for a minute or until secure. Add moss or whatever you want to cover the foam board and you're done." ok these do look very nice... and they were made with doughnuts, which fairies jones over even more than cops do..... thanks bethany....  

[For details visit: http://mypaperpony.blogspot.com/2010/06/easy-marshmallow-mushroom-pops-smurfday.html]

but if you're anything like me you'll most likely punk out and head to Midtown Sweets to order these

chocolate kisses to you all, 
e.

WARNING - the following images may shock & disturb you

Deceptively deadly!

proceed at your own peril!

i am not usually one to get on a political soapbox
but i have viewed some appalling images online lately and feel that i can no longer sit blithely on my own leaf, doing and saying nothing when i see such atrocities.

and so i feel compelled to shout to the 4 corners of the winds, "LET MY PEEPS GO!"
...no i don't mean the little marshmallow Easter chick kind of peeps...
i'm talking about faeries!!!

faerie-trafficking is on the rise as is the capture and incarceration of faeries by sadistic young girls, simply for purposes of entertainment ... what kind of sick parents do these children have?!?

take this heartbreaking image... a whole colony of fae folk trapped and gasping for air

look at these poor souls on display as in a side-show... the 2 on the right are in fear for their very lives!

 

and then there is the whole forced labor thing... China being the primary culprit here. statistics make plain that more faeries are trapped into unpaid servitude via Chinese Lanterns than by any other means

look at these poor lantern-imprisoned fairies, herded and drilled like circus animals into nice neat little rows

you can't say i didn't warn you!

this may be the most sickening sight of all.... these poor swans were forced to swallow faeries!!!!! and then swim around for the visual amusement of their captors

and don't even get me started on hot air balloons... do you have any idea how many fairies it takes to launch just one of these? why, it's enough to put one off her cake!

these shots of mass exodus by the fae resistance offer some hope, but there is still much to be done.

please join our cause. together we can stop the madness and put an end to the persecution of the fae.

solidarity!

"i want pink... with a bow"

..... that was the entire directive i gave my mum regarding one of my birthdays as a pipsqueak.  in my family we started with the cake... everything else was incidental  


our family was out of the country at the time.  dad was an ambassador and we got caught up in a civil war and were advised not to leave our flat, as foreigners were in moderate danger.  i couldn't even invite any of the neighbor kids to celebrate my birthday


my mum felt bad for me and arranged for a couturier to come to the house so that i could pick out a pretty pink dress 'with a bow' to wear at our family's birthday dinner.  when i couldn't decide, she said "well you will have to decide on one before you birthday dinner, but for now...."


...and she instructed the dress-maker to leave ALL of the dresses, knowing that i was a pink party dress junkie... maybe it's because of that birthday that i still am

here were the top contenders

  

and here was the winner

here are the shoes i asked for

and here are the ones i got... sigh

this was a dress my mom bought for my doll who was my closest confidante at the time 

 

this hot little number was tania's dress.... sigh 2 

this classic dress was mum's

here is what mum told my dad he would have to wear

but in reality she simply gave him this to wear.... with his suit i might add... he didn't just wear a bow tie and nothing else.... ewww

and this is what my pup butch wore

looking back i suppose it was a difficult time, but we never realized it while we were going through it.  mum always made everything lovely... just like that birthday... just like her ❤